Wednesday, December 15, 2010

My Birthday!!!

So I'm turning 2-6 and it means more to me than turning 25. I was in Mexico for my 25th Birthday and it came and went( because I was intoxicated for a week probably). Didn't feel older at all. Now I'm checking for wrinkles every chance I get. I will now be in my LATE twenties. Have I been through alot in my life? experiences? wisdom? eehh. Honestly I haven't been through alot.
I had a great childhood, both parents who loved eachother, my sister and I immensely and will be celebrating their 30th anniversary in a few months. I went to an all girls catholic high school ,where I learnt that girls can be united( if there weren't men around). A great university in which I put myself through and is currently still paying the price! I never got involved with a guy until college, where I got my first real bf. We were together for two years and a half. After that I met Shiraz, and we were together for also two years and a half.

I could lie and say yes I grew up in the ghetto and had to fight to stay alive. I lived in a not so good neighborhood but never associated with anyone. I was never influenced negativly by it because every weekend my parents took me shopping in NYC, shows, ballets, operas, concerts, coffeehouses all in the city.
Am I a goody two shoes? do I think all people are good? Yes. Somewhat. I always want to see the good in people and I will continue to be this way forever, no matter how old I am.

ON MY ACTUAL BIRTHDAY
My Birthday is Dec. 18th( a Sat this yr!!woohoo)So Josh ordered a Little Mermaid chocolate cake for me(my favorite) and his friend Eilers is coming into town. I don't want to get drunk but my favorite drink is a Margarita and we're probably gonna end up in Carlitos downtown (the best margaritas!!). I guess we will see!!

RECESSION

Everyone over the age of 18 and not in the armed forces knows that times, right now, are tough. This recession has not only hit me hard but my entire family as well. My mom was unemployed earlier this year for the first time in 15 years and thank goodness she obtained her degree and met a few good people at her last job because that was her saviour in this tight job market. New York has so many opportunities however not many are avaliable to everyone(key word). I would say if your not working as a waitress, retail associate or fast food person you need a bachelors degree. Bachelors degrees are today's equivalent of a hs diploma. It won't give you a job interview however, the people you know has the most influence in your job search.
Even the army has been tighening up their recruitment. Its a fact if someone is in a bind financially and emotionally they usually turn to the armed forces as their last resort. Enrollment has been going sky rocket because many people are at the end and need a way out.
As a new college graduate I was looking seriously into the Marines Officer program because of the diffculty in my job search. I even went as far as to sign a few papers but stopped the process when I recieved my dream job.  I even told my dad I'd be joining, he said "well if your desperate then go ahead but I would go to the airforce because their for weak people like you." (Don't get me wrong I'm athletic but I'm reallllly girly and I didn't want to look butchy with a big back like I heard the armed forces got girls looking). I now ask my cousin about his experience in the airforce and he loves it but I'm glad I didn't go through with it, that would have been the easy way out.
The best way that I have been beating this economy is persistence and budgeting! If I want a job, whatever a job might be, I persistently email and call until they all know my name and have to grant me an interview. I have been cutting down on my shopping, like 100% actually. Urban Outfitters and the occassional catalogue shopping has been cut down ten fold. I have brought one shirt in three months and have concentrated my money on essentials and BILLS. I was use to shopping, honestly, twice a week and I always brought over a hundred dollars worth of useless items everytime.
I am not poor but I'm not rich. To be quite honest, Josh and I together make over 100,000 as our household income but you wouldn't think that by the way we spend. We split our grocery shopping bill, as far as eating out we take turns paying the bill and as far as anything else if he wants it he buys it for himself, if I want it I buy it for myself. Thank God I don't need a car, I am walking distance to my job and he has two vehicles. I don't have car insurance or a car note to pay however I do have student loans which are the equivalent of both those things.
Life is very unstable now for everyone so you must play it safe. Don't overspend, don't buy luxuries you'll never use and use what you have.

What I Want for Christmas

I was flipping through the new issue of "O" magazine yesterday and came across Oprah's favorite things. Oh how I would love to be an Oprah audience member for her Favorite Things Special this Christmas. I saw all these great gifts however I cannot see myself ever wanting any of it. All I want for Christmas is for my loved ones to be happy and for me to continue being happy.
This year has brought so many new, drastic and happy changes to my life (and dealing with the new transition has been very smooth). Its very unchanny however the things life throws at you. This time last year I didn't know Josh even existed, I was engulfed in my dream job and I was single, not looking for a man to complete me becuase ultimately I completed myself.
Now I feel like I can't wait to get to get home to be with him, I look forward to the weekends and for once I don't feel tied down by a man. It's very hard to feel tied down when you can't imagine your life without that person in it. I don't feel he completes me but I do feel my life wouldn't be as joyous.
This Christmas I just want to celebrate the blessings in my life. I don't want a present, I just want happy memories to build on for the future.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Dating on the Internet

Its no secret that my bf and I met on the internet. Meeting ppl on the web is easier than to meet ppl on the street sometimes. You have the courage at the tip of your fingers and you don't even need to say a word. It is also a good way for a career-oriented person to meet others when their schedule allows. My friends and I have met guys from the internet and thank goodness, in my case it was all very friendly encounters because I played it safe. There are rules when meeting strangers from the web like, always tell your friends where your going, go to public places, never go to secluded places with him, etc.
My bf used the web to not only meet me but also the person he was with before me. He's very shy upon first encounters so its easier for him to meet girls that way. My bff Edwina and I went on a couple dates from the internet as something fun and they all ended however friendships were formed and we're still in touch with most of them til this day. But beware of the 20 something guys who say they're looking for a relationship. My conclusion is 20 something guys mostly use those internet dating sites as a way of getting as many girls as they can.
In NYC there is a site that many frequent(1 out of 5 actually have an acct) to meet other 20 somethings called plentyoffish. My friend got many dates from it bc its not like eharmony, where you pay for a date. Its more like u browse, find a good looking guy/girl and send a message. No money included and if they reject you they just don't answer, great for guy who messages 40 girls a day with one or two "catches"and no actual face to face rejection(men are afraid of rejection as most should be).
There are also the facebook, myspace relationships( such as mine). Everyone and their mama, literally their mama, have an account of some social network. The main intent of this is to communicate to people you already know or perhaps would like to know more about. I befriend any and everyone. My subscribers to youtube, my friends friend, my parents friends and long lost cousins(believe me there are alot!). You don't speak or talk to someone on facebook to intentionally start dating, its mainly to find out what the person is about. I have many youtube subscribers who message me constantly about my life on facebook and ask me to post more pictures and talk to me about upcoming videos they want to see (they even ask about my previous youtube drama mess). My cousins have been married and have kids through facebook and myspace relationships so it can be successful. I do think my relationship is successful as well. So it can def. be a good thing for some to indulge in.
As far as those craigslists ads ppl post in order to get some quick sex, I don't condone that but some ppl just want to get their rocks off so they can go ahead. With the amount of diseases out there I hope they know what they're doing bc its not safe. I seriously do question those who do that, disease free individuals aren't usually the ones who indulge in that nonsense but to each its own


Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Hard to Let Go

Whether we have to or we're forced to..its hard to let something or someone go. Speaking from personal experience, it took me nearly a full year to completely dissolve the relationship with my previous ex in college. What was the challenging part?

Well when u must see that person on a sporatic basis at school, it was tough. I would see him and fall apart inside. Knowing that he was with other girlsss and I was alone didn't help much either but the relationship was not a healthy one. Not only did he cheat and lie, he did it all the time. He told me he loved me however as my motto goes " I can only believe what I see, not what I hear."

He was a big, frat guy and I was a low key, average girl on campus, whom I've been told by guy friends was just completely off limits to any guy. I learnt later he had a hit out on any guy that was seen talking to me. I immediately met a guy named Derek, who was the exact opposite. He was generous, friendly, basketball player, tall, compassionate, etc however my heart wasn't ready to love again. There was always alittle part in me wishing my ex would change and we would reunite but that never happened. I didn't get involved with Derek bc I wasn't over my ex. I may have missed out on a great guy BUT I will never ever ever put someone in the predicament of being just a rebound (which he would have been). The last time I seen my ex was last summer and he looked different, has a wife and a child and was doing well for himself. All he kept telling me was "Man I wish things would have been different. I still love you til this day, I wish..I wish.."Of course inside I was loving it. He finally regretted what he did but now it was way too late. I didn't love him, I felt no connection to him, I was over him completely. I'm actually glad I went through the heartache with him because now I think God is rewarding me with such a great person. Despite all my hit and miss relationships I found the one, so I'm elated to be so lucky in love now.

Moral of this story is: You cannot fully love again if ur not completely over another, it cannot happen. Your heart needs to heal. Its like if u scrap ur knee. You need to put a band aid on the wound and make it heal. Also people who jump from relationship to relationship do not know who they are. In my lifetime, I've only been involved in 3 relationships, Josh being the third. I spent years being single and I truly found myself during that time period. If you always have that someone there to define you or support, you are just a lost soul. You need to define and support yourself. You need to love yourself then share your love with another. You cannot grow love for somone when you have no love to give.

Sunday, November 28, 2010

Fake People

They're everywhere! Fake people. Fake people, as defined by me, are individuals whom assume other personalities, other personas to please or conform to what others would want you to be. I've had these people run rampant through my entire life and they were 100%, all the time, women!
Not to say men can't be fake, however most of the time its women. Women whom are conformists, who want to be loved bc there was probably a lack of that in their life or women who have been fake so long, they have no idea they are fake.

How to spot a Fake Person:

If he/she agrees with everything u say, likes everything u like, has been to every single place you have, loves everything you do( same music, same extracurricular activities) and has done most everything you have then that person is fake..
       It is a cut off point to where you think alright, either this person is fake or its a hell of alot of coincidences between us. I had a girl who wanted to be my friend so badly she lied constantly just to fit in with me. Don't be afraid to be urself or to be different. If a person doesn't like you for who u are then no need to associate with him/her.

If he/she acts one way with you in the beginning and she/he is slowly starting to show you her/his true colors.
    I saw this alot especially in new relationships. Its rosey in the beginning andthen boom..no more flowers, more disagreements, no politeness, etc. With new relationships, each person is trying to please the other so much that when they're done trying to please the other person, its not a happy union anymore. Ive been in two long term relationships and I have been a victim of this. Be who you are all the time. If you let things slide bc you think hey, i'll correct him later or thats annoying but I won't tell him now. When that time comes the other person will think differently of you, thats a fact. Let him know off the bat what u like, what u don't like so when you fall in love your not falling for a fake person, he's loving you for u.
    I also seen this with friends. A friend is so nice to me, we go to the movies all the time, party, drink together and then she gets a phone call from Mom, and is cussing her mother out. Uuhh, the first thing I thought was Eeeww, I don't want to be this person's friend, look how she treats her mother..if she has no respect for her, she def won't have respect for me in a couple years.

Moral of this is don't be anything less or more of who u are. When people decide to be around you, its because they like who you are. If you're acting fake, you can rest assure they will leave your life. Which is why many fake people dont have long lasting relationships, whether its friends or romances.
     

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Tuesday, November 23, 2010

I Love to Love you! Guide to Living with a Boyfriend

Most people know one another for years before committing to live with eachother. Josh and I- 2 months.

The best way to really, truly know someone is to live with them, day to day. It's the new age where young adults want to know exactly what they're buying before they blow their life savings. If one is already giving their body to a man, not living together isn't gonna make you more of a virgin or more traditional, for that matter.

When Josh asked me to live with him, I immediately turned him down and consistently did until I felt it was a good decision for me. I weighed my pros and cons, saved up and left NYC for Savannah, GA. Now..not every girl can do what I did successfully. I had my ducks in a row before I fired. I have a bachelors degree and have a CAREER- jobs and careers are different things. I was lucky enough to step foot into Ga and not have to collect one ounce of unemployment benefits. I snagged a position immediately.

Independance is key!!! The new age man does not want to support a woman entirely. He wants her to have her own just as he does, so when they combine their assets to make big purchases, they have a great amount OR if, god-forbid, something happens and one person cannot work for a long period, the other person can pick up the slack. He deployed for Afghanistan and I paid his bills with MY money.
Many women don't know what being fully independant is. I worked 30 hrs a week in college, paid my own tuition and even though I accumulated student loans, I pay for it with MY money from MY paycheck. Before meeting Josh, I had my own and it still remains that way.

We go out to nice restaurants around town and I offer to pay sometimes. Almost 50% of the time I offer or I just pay without hesitation. There are many reasons as to why I do that. One being: I want him to know that I don't need him and in a moments notice(life isn't perfect, things happen sometimes) if things crumble I can take my butt elsewhere and live in the SAME conditions as I have been. Another reason is: what kind of woman are you if you let a man pay for everything. Your worthless that what you are. If you can't pay for your own things, you need to get a JOB.
Men will treat you alot differently if they know you can leave at any time, no questions asked. To me that's why I didn't jump into marriage, my freedom and independance mean too much to me. I love the feeling of staying with him because I love him and want to be with him everyday, not me HAVING to be there because we're married.

We respect one another immensely and we communicate effectively. When we have disagreements we don't fight or bicker, we talk it out and listen to eachother's point of view. To be honest, Josh is 26 and I will be in a month, its very high school of us to yell at eachother. Yelling and arguing is used to prove your point or talk over the person, if your trying to resolve an issue you must listen. There are many times I had to tell him 'I'm sorry, your right' and vise versa.

While he was oversees he surprised me and brought me a spa package at the Mansion on Forsyth Park. He loves to surprise me with gifts. He also just brought me an $800 camera. I've been wanting this camera for about a year as well. He tells me constantly he has never brought a woman such expensive gifts and he loves to do it cause not only does he love me but he sees I'm worth it and he loves to make me happy. Love and relationships are give and take. He brought me these girfts but while he was oversees I was running all his errands and paying the bills, on time might I add. Its things like that that he appreciated more than anything.

I cook and clean but no more than I did before I met him. I am a clean person, I can be a bit of a clean freak. I think he thought like many men do, she will be clean for the first month then put down her Mr Clean for a remote. No way. I don't love to clean but if I notice the place needs to be cleaned, I clean it without him having to say anything. I don't think he's ever been in such a clean environment until now. Even his mother thinks I am. Josh's brother and mother came to visit with a second notice, they walked in and couldn't stop talking about how the place was immaculate.
I cook also but the range of my cooking skills isn't vast. I'm still learning but Josh is a great chef. We sometimes collaborate on our dinners, we'll cook a meal together or he'll cook and serve me wine with our meal; we'll make mini dates inside the house.

Set a timeline and have the same goals. Josh has approached me on more than one occassion and told me he wants to start a family, meaning to me, you better start having some babies. I want to have children and eventually get married(in any particular order) but not today or tomorrow. We are both getting older and have the same goals but I know exactly when I want to execute my goals. I have set a timeframe for everything. It goes something like: marriage in a yr from now, new house in a yr and half, babies in two years, etc. Don't walk into living with a boyfriend until you set a timeline. He may or may not have to know about it.
When the time is up and lets say he doesn't ask you to get married, leave. Just go. As for him, he has let me know of his timeline and when it comes to marriage and children, he has been open and honest about his time expectations.

And the most important thing about living with a boyfriend is having love and respect for eachother no matter what. I never really knew I could love someone so much before I met him and my respect for him and what he does is immense. As long as you remember that love and respect, everything should work itself out.