Hard to Let Go

Whether we have to or we're forced to..its hard to let something or someone go. Speaking from personal experience, it took me nearly a full year to completely dissolve the relationship with my previous ex in college. What was the challenging part?

Well when u must see that person on a sporatic basis at school, it was tough. I would see him and fall apart inside. Knowing that he was with other girlsss and I was alone didn't help much either but the relationship was not a healthy one. Not only did he cheat and lie, he did it all the time. He told me he loved me however as my motto goes " I can only believe what I see, not what I hear."

He was a big, frat guy and I was a low key, average girl on campus, whom I've been told by guy friends was just completely off limits to any guy. I learnt later he had a hit out on any guy that was seen talking to me. I immediately met a guy named Derek, who was the exact opposite. He was generous, friendly, basketball player, tall, compassionate, etc however my heart wasn't ready to love again. There was always alittle part in me wishing my ex would change and we would reunite but that never happened. I didn't get involved with Derek bc I wasn't over my ex. I may have missed out on a great guy BUT I will never ever ever put someone in the predicament of being just a rebound (which he would have been). The last time I seen my ex was last summer and he looked different, has a wife and a child and was doing well for himself. All he kept telling me was "Man I wish things would have been different. I still love you til this day, I wish..I wish.."Of course inside I was loving it. He finally regretted what he did but now it was way too late. I didn't love him, I felt no connection to him, I was over him completely. I'm actually glad I went through the heartache with him because now I think God is rewarding me with such a great person. Despite all my hit and miss relationships I found the one, so I'm elated to be so lucky in love now.

Moral of this story is: You cannot fully love again if ur not completely over another, it cannot happen. Your heart needs to heal. Its like if u scrap ur knee. You need to put a band aid on the wound and make it heal. Also people who jump from relationship to relationship do not know who they are. In my lifetime, I've only been involved in 3 relationships, Josh being the third. I spent years being single and I truly found myself during that time period. If you always have that someone there to define you or support, you are just a lost soul. You need to define and support yourself. You need to love yourself then share your love with another. You cannot grow love for somone when you have no love to give.